The most important ingredient in Marriage

Many opinions exist on what the most important underlying principle of marriage is. Most claim it is respect and communication, others insist love and trust while many are adamant that it is patience and commitment. Naturally, all of the above are extremely important characteristics for a healthy marriage. The Qur’an lends to this in this verse.

However, it may seem like an overwhelming list of things to do, if and when we try to actively implement all of these elements into our relationships.

Good news! There is something simpler, and yet more effective to ensure the success of your marriage because it incorporates all of the six aforementioned elements. The most fundamental principle to ensure a successful and blessed marriage is “al Iktisaab” (الإكتساب). This is an Arabic expression meaning “seeking reward with Allah”. Allah said:

Marriage is the uniting of two individuals with dramatically different opinions, interests, personalities and dislikes. It is therefore inevitable that that there will be conflict, argument and times when one prefers to endure an uncomfortable dental procedure than be in their significant other’s presence.

At these times it’s almost impossible to show love, patience or even respect for your partner. It’s understandable that you do not want to do anything for them because you think they have hurt you in some way. Don’t do it for your spouse, do it for Allah! All the effort you make in your marriage in good times and trying times will be ultimately good deeds that you accrue for the next life. In that way, when the intention is to please Allah, the husband may benefit more for the word of love that he whispers to his wife and the wife will eventually benefit more for the act of patience shown to her husband. Essentially, you as an individual stand to gain disproportionately more good, when you do good to your spouse, plus, as a bonus you maintain a healthy, successful marriage. It’s a beautiful thing, Ma-sha-Allah.

We are still human beings that will end up in conflict, but if this most essential Islamic principle is used by both partners continuously, then these potentially heated disagreements are likely to be milder in intensity and shorter in duration, In-sha-Allah.

So, the next time a conflict should arise, just think of the many blessings you will receive from Allah, if you are the first to forgive or show humility. Your spouse may or may not deserve this gesture but you most definitely need the reward, so just do it for Allah